You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in torment if you do not trust enough. -Frank Crane

Trust. It's a funny thing and it has come up a lot these days. People here continue to tell me to never trust anyone. It seems odd and doesn't sit well, but perhaps there is some truth to it? I've found if you trust too much you leave yourself open to wounding vulnerabilities, but if you don't trust enough you are closed off from the world. When you love someone, you naturally want to trust them, but what happens if you can't? Does it mean you love them less? Today I learned an important lesson (again) about people. Some of the most intimidating people, at first, can be the most fragile inside. It seems obvious, but it never ceases to shock me. More to think about.

Any good books on the philosophy of trust you can recommend?

For now I give you the boys of Mercy 2, whom I absolutely adore. They took 90% of these pictures and their facination for the duh-lu never seems to get old...

The wild boys strike again. I brought over chocolates and they took the tinfoil and made grills, haha, made me think of Allie Beans and her halloween costumes.

Then I gave the boys the camera...

The little one in my arms weighs about 30lbs and just climbs up me like a monkey.

Before you can even give the boys a hug, they have already taken your arms and wrapped them around them.

This kid is amazing. He came up to me yesterday morning and asked why I'm never at Mercy 2 anymore.

I think we were supposed to be Spiderman?

"P-Alex, look what I can do!!" (When talking to someone older than you, it is a sign of respect to say P before their name, hence P-Ben and P-Alex.)

It looks like there is no head on that body... nice shot boys.

More chaos.

Swirls and whirls of energy.

P-Ben looking "black" (as the boys say) upon his return from Sri Lanka.

Feet.

Chilled out tv time before bed.

The brunette and the blonde...

and our new friend.

Live jazz music engulfs the open aired cantina where I write and the rare, cool July breeze summons the summer rain.

Testing testing nung song sohm.

ABA

If you can speak three languages you're trilingual. If you can speak two languages you're bilingual. If you can speak only one language you're an American. ~Author Unknown

Trying to disprove the theory. I have been working on my Thai regularly and it's slowly coming along. It's always little victories, like explaining to the cab driver how to get me home or telling the people in the laundromat, "I'll be back, just getting food" or yelling to my roommates that they are totally crazy. The best part of it all is their reaction. Hearing Thai from a young farang's mouth is like having the alley cat ask you for a glass of milk in the morning. It also really helps when talking to the Mercy 2 boys. Since they day I arrived at Mercy, now almost a month and a half ago, they have always made me feel welcome. That's the beautiful thing about children, they let you in and have no expectations. I feel pretty great when I can just ask, "So what are you up to?" They smile and the go off about the fact that I haven't been to Mercy 2 in too long. I usually try to blame it on Ben and his case of being MIA, but what I really want to say is, "I want to be there, I want to spend more time with you!" The problem (apparently) is that when I come over they get so loud and rowdy and worked up. The noise disturbs the people around and their energy makes it hard for the housemoms to get them to bed. In all honesty, I would spend every day with the kids if I could. People tell me I'm a rare breed. Thank god for Ben.

Although, nothing is better than sitting outside, and having streams of children pass by, stop, say hello. A hug, a smile, and an inquisitive "tam-ah-rai?" Some just sit next to me as I type, others without a word of English point to my cell phone to play games.

But in this Bangkok heat I have officially sat here for 7 hours teaching, working, catching up with friends and even with the fan I have sweat through my clothes. While I hate to have to take back my phone, it's time for me to get in that run and get ready for another weekend in Bangkok.

((Today I looked through Jose's pictures of summer in Brattleboro - I miss you kids - hold up the fort until we all return.))

Love ABA

The Forgotten Dialect Of The Heart - poem by Jack Gilbert

Jack Gilbert is one of my favorite poets, introduced to me during a winter term literature class at Elon. The first line of his poem The Forgotten Dialect of the Heart reads:

How astonishing it is that language can almost mean,
and frightening that it does not quite.

This is how I feel on a regular basis in Thailand. There are so many experiences when words do not suffice. I spent an hour at lunch with the girls attempting to train my ear to the five subtly different ways to pronounce "ha". One way means laughter, another means the number five and one way is a bad word. Honestly, it sounded like someone reading a funny text message. Ha ha ha ha ha.

As I sit in the office alternating between writing my blog, editing Khun Usanee's oral presentation for the AIDS conference, figuring out how her new phone works and looking at henna tattoo parlors, I can't help but think- where are the words to describe this city, or this "orange juice" I've been given?

Freshly squeezed oranges, no pulp and sweet like Tang, with a taste of the salty sea as the liquid glides over your tongue. Like kettle corn popcorn and salt water taffy, my tastebuds are perplexed. It's like eating candy in the ocean.

When language wont suffice, what a beautiful thing it is to have friends where you need no words. With just a look, all is understood:

Jack Gilbert continues...

...the words get it all wrong.
We say bread and it means according
to which nation. French has no word for home,
and we have no word for strict pleasure. A people
in northern India is dying out because their ancient
tongue has no words for endearment. I dream of lost
vocabularies that might express some of what
we no longer can (...) My joy is the same as twelve
Ethiopian goats standing silent in the morning light.
O Lord, thou art slabs of salt and ingots of copper,
as grand as ripe barley lithe under the wind's labor...

Keep learning, keep reading, keep enriching your mind.

Slabs of salt and ingots of copper,

ABA

Rules from the Wishing Tree

Like most days, I end up having an interesting conversation with John, a Mercy employee from Chicago/NYC, who has been here many years. He works in the communication office and seems to be in charge of all public material Mercy produces. An English major like myself, we love to talk books, jazz music and of course, Mercy. While discussing live jazz music at The Bamboo Bar, John Mellencamps ex-piano player, Eric Rosser came up. He was a regular at the Bamboo Bar and gave piano lessons to wealthy Thai children in Bangkok. Google his name. In 2000 his name made the FBI's Top 10 Most Wanted List.

To read more paste this link:
http://http://www.nydailynews.com/archives/news/2000/12/28/2000-12 28_pedophile_on_most_wanted_list.html

I remembered reading about this guy in Father Joe's biography, because Mercy went in and took Rosser's niece, who was living with him at the time and had been very badly sexually abused by him. John was saying that he used to frequent the Bamboo Bar for the live jazz music and would occassionally sit and talk with Rosser, before the story broke. He said he remembered thinking, "Wow, this guy really has it all," admiring the man's music talents. John, thinking back, says it was one of his lifes biggest lessons - never take anothers wish from the wishing tree, because you NEVER know what they're wishing for. Let it be clear and known that when the story broke all were appalled and outraged - especially John - at the thought that this talented musician was such an aggressive pedophile.

This story reminded me of a lesson the girls taught me the other night. They warned me that if a police officer here ever asks to look in your purse, ask to see their hands first. It isn't uncommon for them to have drugs in their hands and slip them into your purse, then demand a bribe. What a crazy place!! If I have one thing I dislike about Thailand it's how often I hear people say, "Never trust anyone!" Anyone? Really? What a horrible feeling. I’ve always been a very trusting person and while some may see it as a fault or weakness, I know I’m not stupid, but I want to believe people are good; who wants to wake up every morning thinking otherwise?

More to think about.

Back to work.

I listen to the wind, to the wind of my soul, where I’ll end up, well I think only God really knows. – Cat Stevens (The Wind)

(Side note: I've been writing at night and posting in the morning. I find it's easier to think when I'm in my room, but since I don't have internet access over there I have to wait until morning to post. So, now I am half way through Tuesday and I have to say- so far so good!)

Today actually felt like a Monday morning. Sunday was spent exploring, the way Sundays should be spent. Naturally, Lauren and I found an International Food Festival. Bangkok is full of surprises and always offers something new. Lauren went for the Thai dishes and I found some Italian sorbet (I miss you LHA) and Mexican soft shell tacos! We spent the afternoon strolling Siam, our favorite neighborhood and ended the day with ice coffee overlooking what can only be described as Bangkok’s Times Square ((read: lots of people, lots of lights)).

Last night I had a hard time sleeping, perhaps it was all the coffee, since I’m no longer used to having about five cups by 9am. Except for the days when Lauren and I meet up, I’m down to zero caffeine. For those of you that really know me, I realize this is shocking and almost incredulous. Mom wonders why I’m so groggy on our early morning Skype sessions.

This morning the rain started when I was in the shower and lasted the better half of the day. It was a gloomy Monday and the superstars looked burned out. Even though it’s their “summer vacation” their schedules are jam-packed; English lessons 6 days a week and sports, music, etc on the weekends. Today I gave one very simple rule for our lesson: find a book in English and read it. After about 15 minutes they wanted to hit the beanbag chairs to read and about an hour later they were asleep. I’m surprised I didn’t pass out either. The steady fall of heavy raindrops, paired with the hum of the oscillating ceiling fans in a cool, shadowed room, who would be able to stay awake? So I let them sleep. That is until another English teacher came in and I felt like I was getting the stink eye, so as gently as possible, I woke them and told them we would break early today and that they should go home and rest.

These days my afternoons seem to be spent solely in the Executive Directors office. I’m feeling pretty good about the fact that she has taken a liking to me. She trusts me to send emails from her name, to research and arrange HIV/AIDS NGOs for her to visit and to review material for Mercy’s HIV/AIDS Home Care Training conferences. I’m not really sure how I’ll relate this to anything in the strict IE (International Education) box at SIT, but I am here volunteering to do whatever it is they need me to do and I’m sure I’ll think of a creative twist. A Bachelors in English and Philosophy really translates to a master of “making things sound good”.


There are so many exciting adventures on the horizon as well! At some point I hope to get to Pattaya with Ben to meet some of his friends at Father Ray’s Foundation – the NGO he volunteered with last year for 7 months. Then I owe Amy a trip up north to the refugee camp she is working with on the Burmese (Myanmar) boarder, with a side trip to ChiangMai and Pai. Then there is the October retreat where I will be accompanying the 60 Mercy kids with HIV/AIDS to the Executive Director’s house on the beach- sponsored by Quantus Airlines. Not to mention my VISA run to see Carol in S. Korea! Soon Diane will be here and then the newlyweds Amy and Andy!

And in the most immediate future: I hope to be having a little house warming party for Ms Lauren, who is moving into a new apartment this week. It is beautiful and I’m sure there will be pictures to come of us by the rooftop infinity pool soon!

I feel really settled and happy here. I feel calm. And when those moments come, and they do, where things feel so different and I miss those people that are home, I run. I throw on my kicks and I run. Today I ran for two hours. Genius playlists are amazing and there is so much to see when you run through this city…old shirtless men playing chess and checkers with bottle caps, babies cradled in their mother’s arms flying through traffic on the back of a motorbike, the giant lizards cruising the swampy waters along the highway, larger than life adverts for KAREOKE BARS and my neighbor who transfers rum from large handles into mini red bull bottles with a funnel. People usually stare at me; running outside of a gym or park is very rare here, but I guarantee that if you smile they will flash you a full smile back.

My run completely rejuvenated me and as I made my way back to the house I saw three beautiful faces through the glass door. My wild, eccentric, beauteous little sisters: Poi, Pung and Kwang. The music was blaring and dress-up time had just begun. Make-up, dress-up and glamour shots are a pretty standard week night for them, but tonight it was Katy Perry’s “Last Friday Night” meets Madonna in the 80s – full costumes, make-up AND dancing. They memorized an entire music video.

“Alex, come watch us, please, come on!!”

While it pains me to be so far from Leanne, my other half, my best friend and sister all rolled into one, it’s nice to have my little Thai sisters knocking on my door, asking me to paint my nails with them and watch their dance routines. And tonight, assuming my role as the big sister, I ran upstairs grabbed my camera, snapped away and cheered them on. Mercy is one big family and what a family it is.

All I can think is how lucky I am to be here.

In true SIT fashion, I will leave you all with a Dewey quote, something to chew on as you sip your first cup of coffee:

Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.

Sure is true here.

Food Festival in Amazing Thailand.

So much chicken.

((Read: FORD)) All they're missing is the MOAG.

These little treats are everywhere in Bangkok. I's still working out what they are.

Salad dressings...

Not sure why the ASL sign "I love you" is so prominent here, but I like it.

View of the Food Festival from above at night.

I could get into this... I need some live jazz in my life, and the wine doesn't hurt :) I can think of a few people who would dig this.

This is what I come home to. Love these girls. (Notice the shades on them...)

Chaos.

And the dancing begins.

Memorizing the video.

Opening number... don't worry, there are plenty of videos.

Oh my my, oh hellll yes.

And I'm sold.

PeaceLoveKareoke

ABA

Last Friday Night - Katie Perry

It's hard to really "get" the movie The Hangover II unless you've been to Bangkok. I didn't realize this until just recently. Allie, I'm thinking unless you want to miss the wedding, Bangkok isn't the place for your bachelorette... This city literally swallows you whole and spits you back out - a stark change of pace from the days at Mercy.

I spent Friday with my new friend Lauren. From our clothing choices, to our favorite topics of conversation, to our obsession with proper grammer in text messages - we are oddly similar. Friday afternoon I headed over to her place, on the other side of the city, to make plans for the night. ((She's moving this week to a new place very close to by, for a new job, yesss!!))

We had such a good time going out, meeting new people and I even spoke French with some new French friends. The next day we took it easy, wandering around her neighborhood and when we went our seperate ways we planned to go back out again that night. This is how I know we are so similar. While I was thinking, "I just want to go to bed at 8pm" she was texting it. After a nice long nights sleep, I feel refreshed and ready to take on my Sunday. Perhaps some reading in the park, a long walk in Lumpini and maybe even a return to my pool for some laps.

Ben's back today from Sri Lanka. I know the boys are excited because when they saw me at Mercy this morning, from their roof of Mercy 2 they started screaming, "Alex! Hi! Alexxxx!!!" quickly followed by some mumbling and then "P-Ben!!! Bennnnnnn!!!" Haha. Wow, I love those boys, I need to get back over there to see them.

Time to enjoy this glorious Sunday in Bangkok.

PeaceLoveRedLipstick.

ABA

A rabbit is over excited. - Famous Thai Proverb

Day to day I realize there is so much I don't know about Thailand and even more I don't understand. Case and point, the proverb above. As I scrolled through a list of 88 Famous Thai Proverbs I realized I have another 88 things to add to the list of "What??". Here are a few favorites:

A short man carry a hunchback.

A chicken gets a gem.

Bald people can always find a comb.

Before the nut is cooked, a sesame is burnt.

Confusion is a chicken with shattered eyes.

Here is one more thing I don't understand, but I know Bailey will appreciate:

CHICKEN FLAVORED CRACKERS!

Today in my lesson with the "terrific trio" Ann, Kwan and Ton, I learned all about Thai superstitions, Thai voodoo and the giant snake Payanak that lives in the Mekhond River that runs between Laos and Thailand. I responded by showing them youtube videos of the LochNess monster.

Here are a few cool things I learned...

If a black cat jumps over a coffin, the dead person will sit up like a zombie.

If a "witch doctor" walks under a bridge his spells will be reversed, and he will be the one cursed.

If you hear your name at night, but don't see anyone or don't know who called you, DON'T respond. It could be a ghost and if you say "Who is it?" they will take your soul.

If you want to break a spell a witch doctor has cast you must throw a girls skirt on their head or have them walk under one that is hanging up.

Lastly, if you drink the blood of a witch doctor you will get their powers.

* * *

This amused me for hours and it really got the kids talking. Ah, the tricks of an English teacher. Not to mention, I got a lesson in Thai voodoo 101.

I snagged a few pictures off my iPhone to share, since I have been carrying a little as possible with me these days, post the "disappearance" of my credit card and license. Mai ben rai.

Tonight I hope to go out with Lauren and meet some new people in Bangkok. Always good to use the buddy system.

A few iPhone gems:

The not so wild Mercy 2 boys, I love oh so much.

Sunset on Klong Prao.

Amy looking off to sea.

The ultimate ice cream sandwich- on a hotdog bun! Hilarious.

Boy Scouts at the Planetarium and Space Museum.

Neighborhood cat finds a tasty treat.

I died. While grabbing coffee with Lauren I spotted this gem of a shopping bag. Love it.

Housemates make MK at home. Crockpot maddness.

Hipster glasses = $1 ((Lauren and I got matching ones.))

Naptime in Klong Toei.

The greatest thing: starting to understand Thai!

Sabai Sabai. ((Relax relax)) ABA.

Billions are wasted on ineffective philanthropy. Philanthropy is decades behind business in applying rigorous thinking to the use of money. - Michael Porter

You know the way music brings you back to a very specific place? Like the jazz vocals of Etta James remind me of summer showers, singing "Misty" at the top of my lungs, or the way any Sublime song takes me to the treehouse terrace parties in Prague. This morning leaving my morning lesson, I took a bite out of a fresh peach, the first I've had since I've been in Thailand, and immediately I was in my bathing suit, sitting on the pier in Currituck. I wonder what it will be, when I get back to the states, that immediately transports me back to Bangkok and Mercy.

How many of you have seen the book The Billionaire Who Wasn't: How Chuck Feeney Made and Gave Away a Fortune Without Anyone Knowing? It's on bookshelves everywhere and I remember seeing it in the news before I left for Thailand. I always wondered why my Aunt had four copies in her upstairs library. Now it all makes sense. Chuck Feeney is the co-founder of "Duty Free", obviously making billions of dollars, but lives by philanthropic philosophy of "giving while living". He is also a friend of Mercy and will be here tomorrow.

In 1997 his years of anonymous giving was unvieled, against his wishes and in 1998 Time Magazine named him man of the year, noting: "Feeney's beneficence already ranks among the grandest of any living American and may someday make him the most generous philanthropist of all time. The only thing that astonished more than the size of Feeney's largesse was his determination to keep it hidden. In an age of aggrandizement, Feeney showed that humble hearts still beat."
(http://www.time.com/time/moy/runnerfeeney.html)

In February 2011 Feeney became a signatory to The Giving Pledge. In his letter to Bill Gates and Warren Buffett, the founders of The Giving Pledge, Feeney writes:

I cannot think of a more personally rewarding and appropriate use of wealth than to give while one is living - to personally devote oneself to meaningful efforts to improve the human condition. More importantly, today's needs are so great and varied that intelligent philanthropic support and positive interventions can have greater value and impact today than if they are delayed when the needs are greater. (From givingpledge.org)

Still looking for a summer read? I think it's time to go to the bookstore...

(outside Bangkok's Art and Culture Center)

ABA

Time is the coin of your life. It is the only coin you have, and only you can determine how it will be spent. - Carl Sandburg

I vote spend it on Koh Chang!

What an incredible past 4 days it has been. Thursday's celebration carried on long past the dancing processional to the temple. I made use of my "connector" skills ((read: The Tipping Point)) and finally had Ben and Lauren meet. They bonded over Chappelle skits and Thai beer; it was nice to see my worlds come together and to see Ben's more relaxed side.

Earlier in the night word came in from Amy that her flight out of LA was so delayed that she had missed her connection in Tokyo to Bangkok. Instead of arriving Thursday night, she was due to arrive Friday afternoon. Since I already had prepaid bus tickets and a hotel room, I wasn't sure what to do. I knew Amy was well traveled and had already made it across the globe by herself, so we spoke and came up with a new game plan. I was still going to leave early Friday morning, but now Lauren would take Amy's bus ticket and join in on the fun. Amy made it to Koh Chang Saturday morning. Success!

The three of us had a blast, wandering the long white sandy Klong Prao beach, going from hotel beach bar to the next, making time for rope swings, pool hops and lunch. We made great friends at one particular stop. It was a little hut on the beach with some speakers and a standard liquor cabinet with about 15-20 half filled bottles. Later in the afternoon, when we returned to this bungalow, we were invited to sit with six very friendly Thais, cooking shrimp on the beach. Over seafood, snacks and shots Amy was introduced to Thai life. Everyone here is exceedingly nice and inviting- quite a drastic change from her last few weeks in NYC.

As the sun dropped below the horizon we set off on an adventure back to our hotel. We could no longer go back the way we had come, along the beach, because the tide had risen quickly and swimming with a purse filled with cameras and cell phones was not worth the risk. Wandering through other resorts, we were easily distracted by new pools, surrounded by dim "mood setting" lights. This one pool, which we all agreed was magical, was begging us to jump in. So under the guise of nightfall, we jumped in to explore. Walking behind the resort, out to the main road proved more difficult than we had expected. We realized we were on a peninsula, trapped by water. We spotted a funky, retro looking B&B, splashed with bright colors, off the dark path- wandering through we spotted a man on gondola-esque boat delivering dinner to the hotel staff. Instinctually we pointed to the boat and then pointed to the mainland, a mere 15 feet away. The older man waved us on. On the other side, we were surprised to see mini-guest houses stacked upon one another with restaurants sandwiched in between. With so many people buzzing about, no one noticed how lost and confused we looked. We started to follow the flow of traffic out to the main road and made our way back to the Klong Prao Resort, where we were staying.

Like all good nights, what looked like a low key night at the start, turned into a quest to find Sabai Bar- a recommendation from the cute Brit riding his motorbike close enough to the back of our open taxi the night before that we could communicate with him. I had heard before going to Koh Chang that it was a very quiet Island, where families came to relax. (I also later learned that Koh Chang is supposed to be a national park, with NO building on it allowed, hence the Jurassic Park look, but $$$ talks and thus the entire west coast of the island is lined with resorts.) Well, if there was only one place on the island with a dance floor and live band, naturally we would find it, and we did. The three of us danced into the night. Lauren headed back to Bangkok the next morning, Amy slept and I manned the beach. The beauty of Thailand is that regardless of clouds and a breeze, it is always warm enough to lay by a beach in a bathing suit. I read for five hours and finished my book. When Amy rose, we walked the beach, drew in the sand, had lunch with the waves crashing by our feet and talked about school, people and life on the oversized beach chairs until the sunset behind the green mountains.

The next morning we planned to get up early, grab breakfast and head out to find the Klong Phlu waterfall. I wish we had had more time. A taxi drove us into the jungle, to the "National Park". We followed the well-worn path, which is monitored by the staff, back into the wilderness, until we heard it: the crashing sound of white water. We looked at each other and smiled - if there was anything that made us think of Ryan, this was it. It was magnificent- the rapids flew off the cliffs, surrounded by lush wilderness. Amy and I talked about the power of water and its strength. When we finally looked down, we realized we were able to swim in the pool created at the bottom of the waterfall. We were there early enough in the morning that we were the only "falang" or foreigners in sight. We shared the moment with a half dozen natives, wearing their clothes and goggles. It was the perfect end to a perfect trip.

As I dosed in and out of consciousness on the six hour bus ride back to Bangkok, Amy and I joked about how we first me before orientation at SIT. Our friendship began canoeing on the Connecticut River and had come full circle, with us reunited on the other side of the planet, taking in the crashing sound of waterfalls on an island off of Thailand. We laughed saying, "you just never know, huh?" This year continues to surprise me and I look forward to what comes next.

Welcome to Jurassic Park, aka Koh Chang.

Views of the coast from our drive to the resort.

Lauren checks out our balcony, on the beach.

Beach bums.

Our beach.

Here's to island life.

Amy on the rope swing- FULL CIRCLE.

Our beach bar bungalow.

Thailand's responce to moonshine and slivo...

Lunch break view.

The hotel with the magical pool.

Taking a dip in the sea.

Our new friends.

Sunset on Klong Prao beach with our new friends.

The magic pool that stopped us in our tracks on our adventure home.

"We made it!"

Sabai bar and buckets on the beach.

Take two.

Views from our hotel room.

Classic. On the way to breakfast.

Everytime I walked towards our room the beach greeted me.

"We love you Ryan Redmond!"

Ams and I taking in the beach.

The jungle!

The crashing waterfall.

Amy in the pool beneath the waterfall.

...and me.

Saying goodbye to Koh Chang with Chang beer.

Until next time.

PeaceLove&Waterfalls

ABA