Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the ground. - Rumi

What a crazy long four days it has been, Friday seems like weeks ago.

Today I found myself extremely frustrated and angry with this organization. I’m very aware that no matter how great an organization is, they are not without weaknesses, just like people. In moments like these I think, “What would Ken Williams do?”

I sat and stared at my computer, hoping my fingers would start hitting the keypad on their own, creating their own story, without my help. I couldn’t write. I’d lost track of why I was here, I’d forgotten how to kiss the ground. I repeated one of my choice mantras for moments of elevated negative emotions – time cools, time clarifies. This mood shall pass; I just had to allow myself to have that time.

I closed the laptop and walked home. I gave myself the space and quiet I needed to gather my thoughts. Time cools, time clarifies. I did what I do best when I’m upset; wrote an email to my dad. I knew time would cool, but I needed help clarifying. I felt lost and my brain felt fuzzy and disorganized.

However, before Dad could write me back, I had my answer, and I knew it all along.

There are three places I have found I feel most at peace.

A bookstore.

An airplane.

Anywhere with kids.

I’d lost track because I hadn’t seen the kids all day. Spending time with them is the best part of my day. It’s why I’m here. As long as I’m true to them, nothing else matters. Clarity had plopped in my lap and my cool heart had returned.

At homework help, Ann told me about her bruises from soccer practice as we read about rug makers in ancient Persia, Kwan discovered that the antique phone in the room actually worked, Nancy laughed loudly while preparing her presentation on Rome, Ton sporadically muttered “teaaaaacher” under his breath in a high pitch, bringing Ben and I to tears and Pruen looked completely lost as Marsha continued attempting to explain different types of microscopes to him. Everyday from 4:30pm-7:30pm, this room pulses with positive energy. Everyone is laughing, learning and working hard. The kids are helping each other, as Ben, Martha and I circulate about. Most importantly, they trust us. They have even, jokingly, taken to calling Ben “Dadddddd” and me “Mommmmmy”. ((Marsha is the new volunteer, she arrived Saturday from Belarus.))

Friday night Ben and I took seven of our kids to dinner. I wasn’t told until the end of the evening that it was “all you can eat” Thai food, but was impressed nonetheless at the amount of food the kids could take back. I wish we had not only timed how long they had eaten for, but how many plates we went through in the process. I’m pretty sure Kwan was still eating, long after Ben and the other boys had thrown in the towel. The girls ate for so long that by the time they started to slow down Ben and Ton were back up at the bar.

In the moment I remember thinking, these are the most amazing children. Their lives have been anything but easy and they survived. They not only survived, they are thriving. They are becoming well-rounded adults before our eyes. I'm so proud of everything they've accomplished and I'm inspired by them every minute of every day.

Saturday I promised three of the girls I would take them to the movies. Monsoon rains struck Klong Toey minutes before I was supposed to meet them at Mercy 4. Equipt with two umbrellas, a raincoat and rubber flip flops I waded my way over to Mercy; the girls were dressed and waiting for me. It didn’t look like I was going to be granted any sort of a rain date, so we ventured out into the storm to make the film.

While it didn’t find itself on the bucket list, I believe seeing a Thai movie in the theaters with all Thai people is list worthy. I followed along by means of Engrish subtitles (yes, a purposeful typo) and we stuffed ourselves to the brim with four buckets of popcorn. By the end, all three girls were crying at the doomed and depressed ending. I enjoyed the movie, learning more about Thai dancing and Thai story telling, but mostly, I just enjoyed being around the kids. If they're having a good time, so am I.

Sunday, Amy, a friend from SIT, and Jamie, Ben’s Scottish friend from Father Ray’s were in town. Bua, Ben and Jamie’s Thai friend from Father Ray’s, was finally able to get away from work for a night and we all planned to have dinner together in Chinatown. It felt like everything was coming full circle – it was as if I already knew Jamie and Bua – and Ben finally got to meet Amy; we are planning a trip up north to visit her in Mae Sot in a few weeks. At last the names all had faces and it was clear why Ben loves these people so much, they’re great. And Amy, well of course she is amazing; Ben and I are really looking forward to Mae Sot and more adventures.

The words have come back; it’s easy to write about all the great people in your life and I have so many. And the kids, I wake up excited to see them every day. Ben is off to Laos with Jamie and the kids and I have some fun planned for this afternoon that we’re all really excited about.

And just like that time has cooled and time has clarified.

Tomorrow I’m off to Cambodia until Monday. Try not to miss me too much, I promise I’ll have a killer blog post for you when I get back. Especially since it will be titled: Adventures in Cambodia with Crafton and Noam.

When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.
— Rumi

Dinner Friday night; with Ann.

Ben and Rose.

Nancy and Kwan beat all of us in the marathon meal.

We made it to the movies! Albeit a little wet...

"Kwan, that noise is annoying...wait...did you say it works? The phone actually works? Ok, it's totally worth it! Let's call someone!" - not me.

How can you not smile?

xoxo

ABA

The biggest adventure you can take is to live the life of your dreams. –Oprah

Today Ben and I checked the planetarium and science museum off the bucket list. What a fun way to start the day. We were most definitely the oldest people in the “museum” by a solid 15 - 20 years, but we tried out every interactive exhibit none-the-less. We explored “Petroleum Land”, adventured into Robot Technology territories, crawled through a human kaleidoscope, (Ben) laid on a bed of nails, we made vortex rings, saw large plastic dinosaurs, learned where Hawaii is on a map (ha) and encouraged some school kids to break dance in one of the exhibit halls. We walked on an aerial photograph of Bangkok, found Mercy and stared at 3-D molds of Thomas Edison’s face. Only about 30% of the buttons actually worked and yet we pressed them over and over and over again like the grade schoolers next to us.

Due to the influx of seven and eight year olds, we were able to watch on as some of the “hand-off” exhibits were demonstrated for the kids. One of which was the G-force simulator – it’s the hamster ball, in which someone gets strapped into the seat in the center and it spins around in every direction until that person wants to puke. It brought me back to my days at Space Camp – yes, I was that cool. Memories of my childhood came flooding forward, from my first movie in a theater: Jurassic Park, to sleepovers at Boston’s Science Museum with my Brownies Troop 1000 and our night shows at the planetarium. It was a morning of curiosity, goofing around and lots of laughing.

At 11AM we headed to the planetarium for “Humanity and the Stars” or as it is now know, “Space men and the Stars” narrated by Tom Jones (dubbed into Thai). Not convinced it is “the” Tom Jones, but it was quite a special moment to see his name flash up on the black dome above. The kids talked through the entire show, but not in whispers, or kid’s that think they’re whispering, we’re talking loud, non-stop chatter. This provided endless entertainment for Ben and I because they kept the temperature of the production. If things were getting crazy, you could hear the “OoooOOooOOo”s and “AHHHHH”s and if they were bored, it just went back to the buzz of whatever it is 8 year olds talk about.

It was nice to see the night sky since, due to the abundance of smog and light pollution, it is nearly impossible to see the stars clearly in Bangkok. Ben and I both confessed we could only truly spot Orion’s belt. This made me smile, as it reminds me of my beautiful sister some 4,000 mi away. Like most standard planetarium shows, the room went dark, the stars appeared and then someone with a microphone used a laser pointer to identify constellations. This went on for quite some time and I think held Ben and all of the middle schoolers’ attention for about 10 minutes. Ben had Mexican food on the mind.

By the end of the hour people were itching to go. The last half of the show had been a warped omni-theater viewing of asteroids colliding into earth marking the end of human kind, or humanity, as the title suggests. It left kids sitting outside the planetarium crying. Is it bad that I laughed? Ben and I spent most of the second half watching the kids, rather than the screen above.

Next stop, Mexican food- a meal we both enjoy and can eat together. From there we crossed Planetarium off and added “Cinnabon” to Ben’s list, as well as a Bodyslam concert, since the Chick Music festival is sold out. At lunch I was reminded that Ben also loves root beer, but has never had a root beer float, so that has made it’s way to the list as well. (Notice a trend? Ben and food. And he already has an extensive Thai food bucket list, which probably contains cats and dogs, since he has no idea what they girls are telling him to order…)

Khun Usanee is off to Korea for the week, so while the kids are at school my days are much quieter. This allowed for time to finalize my trip to Cambodia. So here is the plan: I leave a week from today (Thursday) and fly into Phnom Penh. I’ll spend the night in the capital and hopefully see a bit of the city. Early the next morning I head to Siem Reap, home of Angkor Wat, where I will be meeting Bret Crafton and Noam Ron, two of my friends from home. We’re going to explore Angkor Wat for two days and then find our way back to Bangkok, seeing where the road takes us. I’m ready for the adventure and to see some familiar faces. Then I get them on my turf for two days before they fly out to Hong Kong. Visa run, Cambodia, Angkor Wat, the S’scott boys – game on.

Finally, my day ended, as it does every weeknight, with three hours of homework help. It’s such a great way to end the day. Ben and I sit in one of the back meeting rooms, at a large conference table with eight Mercy kids who are all studying at International Schools. My three super-stars are back, along with three of Ben’s students and two new kids. We work our way through algebra, lab reports, vocabulary tests, reading comprehension worksheets and geography quizzes. Remember when you were in middle school and you asked your parents for help and most of the time they had to try and re-teach themselves the material? Well, that is the fun game Ben and I get to play. Yesterday I had to relearn active and passive voice (don’t tell Westergaard!) and the steps of the scientific method. Of course, it’s nice to feel useful and even better when you see the kids grasping the material and improving.

Tonight I helped one of the girls make up ways to remember the definitions of her vocabulary words, the way my mom did when I was in 8th grade. We joked about associating words with people and it worked- she remembered them all! Every day these kids make me proud; I know they’re tired, they get up at 4am to go to school Monday through Friday and come straight back to us at 5pm for three hours of homework. They have English lessons all day on Saturdays and occasionally Sundays, but they push through and always make the best of it. Ben and I try and make it as enjoyable as possible too. Tomorrow we are taking the entire group to dinner – after they finish their homework.

The kids have really opened up to us and trust us, they know how much Ben and I care about them, but what I don’t think they realize is that it’s going to be so hard for us to leave them. I can already see it in Ben’s eyes. He’s mentally taking pictures and making memories to hold on to. All the kids at Mercy hold a huge chunk of our hearts. Every day they make me try harder, they push me to learn more, they test me in every possible way, they make me question things I’d never before thought about and when you’ve finally earned their trust, they let you in with open arms.

I’m not really sure what this all means for the future, but I know I am a better person for having met everyone at Mercy.

Today Steve Job’s commencement speech at Stanford University (2005) was recommended to me. Need something to get you going this morning? I suggest YouTubing it.

I’ll leave you today with some wise words from a pretty rad guy:

“You can’t connect the dots looking forward, you can only connect them looking backwards, so you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something, your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever, because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart, even when it leads you off the well worn path, and that will make all the difference.” (Steve Jobs)

G-force hamster ball and the kids.

The human kaleidoscope.

And robot.

Welcome to Petroleum land!

Moment of zen: How Bangkok recycles.

Who is ready for an A D V E N T U R E ?

ABA

Love the life you live. Live the life you love. - Bob Marley

Yesterday I decided to do something I was afraid of.

Now, if you're male and reading this, you're about to think, "seriously?", but as all girls know, our hair is a large part of our physical identity. I remember in college, getting a drastic hair cut - for those of you who know me well, you know that story will be the title of my first collection of short stories: My Boyfriend Dumped Me Because I Cut My Hair. (You would read it, right??) I found that people didn't recognize me. When a girl drastically changes her hair, people tend to notice. When something important happens in a women's life, many of us choose to reflect that change through our hair. Some bleach it, others chop it off, a few get extensions and yes, I have even dyed it black...huge mistake. Others get perms, while some choose to have their hair chemically straightened, some prefer it short and simple and others want long shiny locks.

In Bangkok I've found that most Thai women like to lighten their hair, a wonderous golden color - often wearing it long with loose curls bouncing off their shoulder blades. Most recently, there has been a trend toward bangs in the office. This past week three or four of the girls came back sporting cute, sidesweeping bangs, so naturally I decided to change things up as well.

Yesterday marked my first $4 hair cut in Thailand. Rather, my first haircut since I've moved, but also my first in my neighborhood. A lady wearing a stained children's smock, decorated with chubby teddy bears and hearts, summonded me in. Her hair was a yellow/gold hue, pulled back in a long straight ponytail with a light blue scrunchie. She doused my hair with a bottle of tap water and haphazardly went to work. I brought Pui along as my translator, but a "trim" must have been lost in translation, as I watched 4-5'' strips of wet, brown hair fall to the floor. Next, the "long, sweeping bangs," were somehow conveyed to mean short, blunt and across the forehead.

The next thing I knew a 15 year old girl and an inquisitive ladyboy were tag teaming my new 'do. Two hair driers, two round brushes and two straighteners going at once. In 15 minutes I was out of the chair. I didn't think it was possible for me to look any younger than I already do, everyone in the Salon guessed I was between 18 and 21, but with my grade school bangs, I think I rounded out nicely at a ripe age of 15. (This was later confirmed when I walked into the office and P'Eat told me I looked so young, she suggested pigtails and a teddy bear for tomorrow... however, I'm told looking young is a compliment here and "really, they look cute...")

I think what I like so much about changing your hair is that it marks a period of time. Like looking through old pictures with Lauren, her hair is a landmark. "Oh and this was a great year, I had long platnium hair and I lived in..." It's not to say it was a great year because of her hair, but her hair color reminds her of that specific point in time. I guess my first trip to Cambodia will be marked in photographs with my crazy looking bangs.

Another story, another day. If there is one thing I have learned from past mistakes, it's that hair grows, cuts heal, but stories remain :)

Next week I'm attempting to get to Cambodia to see Bret Crafton and Noam Ron! More info on that soon.

The older you get, the more rules they are going to try and get you to follow. You just gotta keep on livin', man. L-I-V-I-N
(Dazed and Confused)

ABA

And that’s our life, flying high and never looking back. – Fr Joe, 8/22/11

Tonight I busted out the old bamboo mat, an early purchase for lazy days in the park, to do crunches on my bedroom floor. Today has been a busy 24 hours- it’s down to the wire in the office, getting ready for the big AIDS conference in Korea commencing this Friday. The poster presentation I’ve been working on for weeks is finally finished, standing a solid six feet tall, sans typos and line breaks. Now it’s down to sticking quotes on condoms, proofing final handouts and cutting and pasting handmade posters for Mercy’s information booth. Between preparing for the International Congress on AIDS in Asia and the Pacific (ICAAP) and helping the kids with their homework, there was no time for a run today, which brought me to my bamboo mat on the floor.

Lying stretched on my back, along side my bed I realized I’ve never laid on the floor before. My room was totally transformed. Instead of seeing books and empty water bottles and other assorted clutter, I saw a bare, off-white ceiling and my dirty Mitsubishi fan.

My fan rotates slow and steady in a circular motion, like a person stretching their neck before a yoga class and the blades form a gray cloud hovering in its cage. If you stare too long, it begins to operate like a pendulum’s swing, inducing a relaxed-to-the-point-of-numbness sensation. Have you ever gotten on your back and gazed aimlessly at a fan strapped to your ceiling? It’s funny how a slight shift in perspective can change the way everything looks. My room of clutter and chaos suddenly transformed into a meditation chamber; a place of order, rhythm and hypnosis.

I’ve found one of the hardest things to do is to earnestly put yourself in someone else’s position; to try and look at the world through their eyes.

I’ve also found there is so much to gain and so much value in it, if you can do it.

This reminded me of Jennie Brown’s presentation on “Peace Education” this year at SIT. She told a story of an experiment in peace education in Palestine and Israel. Trained teachers went into the schools and worked with children from both sides of the conflict. Towards the end of the session both groups were asked to write a letter from the perspective of a child on the other side of the wall. If I remember correctly, one group was unable to put themselves in their peer’s position, while the other group not only completed the assignment, but recognized the importance of such a difficult task. Jennie – if you see this, will you pass along the name of the project? I will post more information soon, as it was a very interesting take on perspective and peace education with children.

Whether it’s lying on your floor, or trying to see the other view in a conflict, there is always value in a shift of perspective. Maybe you sit on the other side of the café today… maybe you walk on the other side of the road … or maybe you practice stretching your mind to places unknown.

Min and our massive poster! Finished!

Maew and I get our arts and crafts on.

Ben and the ladies post homework help.

Welcome to my room of clutter.

And the dirty, awesome ceiling fan.

We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are. - Talmud

ABA

I crossed the street to walk in the sunshine. - Elizabeth Gilbert

Saturday night was by far, my best night in Bangkok to date. Nights like these remind you that it truly is the simple things that can move you beyond words. There was something in the air and everything fell beautifully into place. It will be one of those moments, that in years to come, I’ll look back upon and think, “that is what true happiness looks like.”

For a few weeks now, Ben and I have been adding and checking off line items on the Bangkok Bucket List. After a failed attempt at the planetarium on Saturday, due to “Science Week” and hoards of middle-schoolers, we planned to make movie night a reality.

When I arrived at Mercy 2 later in the day, Ben had already carried the screen and stand to our designated movie area. The boys were downstairs doing their nightly meditation and I watched on as Mr. Tech savvy hooked up the DVD player and the projector. We decided it would be best to have the movie shown in a side room, off of the rooftop. It was the ideal space, open to the night air on one side, but still covered, offering a large white wall.

We weren’t really sure what or how it was all going to work, but we were blessed with a clear night sky, rare during rainy season, and the perfect spot for the showing. We waited apprehensively to see if the DVD would play. The sun was setting over the visible Bangkok skyline and the natural light faded from the room.

Everything was still. Suddenly images danced across the white washed wall – it worked! Our faces were those of an enthused youth. It seems like such a simple task, but nothing is ever simple here, and the ease in which it all came together was remarkable.

I stood in the dusk filled room, looking towards the wall and I was in awe. It was one of those moments when you’re so overcome by serenity and beauty you can’t believe it’s real. Pure elation made it impossible for Ben and I to stop smiling. It was p e r f e c t.

The kids were going to l o v e it.

“Ben, what time is it?? I have to go get the girls.”

With a quick glance out the window Ben replied, “I think our guests have arrived early.”

Inexplicably excited for movie night, I sprang to the stairs and rushed down to the front gate to greet the Mercy 3 girls, who were ready to go in their brightly colored Disney nightgowns.

“P’Alex!!”; a million little arms wrapped themselves around my legs and delicate hands grabbed for mine . After spending most of my time with the boys, it was so nice to have the girls over. We made our way up the stairs like a swarm of bumble bees, buzzing about so close together we looked like we were moving as one.

When their faces saw the room, all set up and movie ready – well, there are no words to do my feelings justice. Their excitement was contagious and I thought back to all the movie nights I’d had as a child. Within minutes the small room was filled to the brim with fifty boys and girls, ranging in age from four to eleven, all in their pajamas.

“I have goosebumps,” Ben whispered.

It was obvious the moment had not escaped him either.

The girls pulled me to the floor and suddenly my lap was flooded with little nuggets clamoring for that coveted spot. I was surrounded on all sides and completely at ease. At any given time there were at least three girls in my lap, girls and boys on either side holding my arms in their tiny hands, resting their heads on my shoulders and one of the Mercy boys hanging on to my back. I turned to look back at Ben. No words were needed. How had we not done this sooner?

For over two hours, I had kids sleeping on me, playing with my clothes, and trying to talk to me about the movie in Thai. When they laughed, I laughed, when they sang along, I attempted to sing with them; I was happy because they were happy. Saturday night children’s laughter filled the streets of Klong Toey, rolling out over the tin roof tops from the second floor of Mercy 2.

When I spoke to Dad on the phone tonight, I told him all about our night. We talked about compassion in education and how it translates without language. If you care, the kids know you care, whether you can literally tell them or not. He told me how Mom and he had spent the weekend with a family Leanne knew from Rome. They were visiting Boston, so my parent’s invited them to come spend the day in Marblehead. Dad told me about the two little girls, who only spoke Italian, and how he’d spent the afternoon building sculptures out of straws with them. He noted, “When they left, we had barely spoken more than a few words, but were the best of friends. That’s the real beauty with kids, you don’t need language.”

Hmm, wonder where I get it from…

There was magic in the air Saturday night and while I can only do my best to describe it to you, it is one of those moments you must be present for. While movie night with Mercy 2 and 3 has officially been checked off the bucket list, it’s officially something Ben and I plan to continue to do while we’re here.

The moment the images flashed upon the wall.

Picture compliments of Benjamin.

And to close:

In the end, I've come to believe in something I call "The Physics of the Quest." A force in nature governed by laws as real as the laws of gravity. The rule of Quest Physics goes something like this: If you're brave enough to leave behind everything familiar and comforting, which can be anything from your house to bitter, old resentments, and set out on a truth-seeking journey, either externally or internally, and if you are truly willing to regard everything that happens to you on that journey as a clue and if you accept everyone you meet along the way as a teacher and if you are prepared, most of all, to face and forgive some very difficult realities about yourself, then the truth will not be withheld from you.

(Elizabeth Gilbert)

Insist on happiness,

ABA

Example has more followers than reason. We unconsciously imitate what pleases us, and approximate to the characters we most admire. ~ John Christian Bovee

You can tell children how to behave and you can write extensive lists of rules, but the name of the game is to lead by example. Everyday.

"Be great in act, as you have been in thought." - Jean Paul

ABA

Andy and Amy, the happy newlyweds on their honeymoon in Thailand!!!

Ben sneaking up on children. "She wants to be scared." Ha ha.

C O N D O M S.
Favorite suggestion on facebook for quotes: Don't be silly, wrap your willy!

And just for good measure. Captain Ben.

Catch you kids on the flip side. It's time to make this movie happen!

ABA

Let's start today with the intention of peace, harmony, laughter and love for all. -Deepak Chopra

After a 10-day hiatus, due to “the biking mishap”, I am back to the concrete jungle. Yesterday I went for a two hour run and it was just what my body and soul needed. Geared with my iPod on shuffle, my brain jumped from one memory to another, taking me back, the way only good music can. All the clutter in my brain seemed to dissipate and I felt a renewed sense of clarity.

My girl friends continue to remind me that this is my “pray”; a time for self-reflection, processing, being in the moment and being honest with myself. Your emails keep me focused and on track.

My schedule has shifted recently, as my students are back in school. My days start with a run, followed by time in the executive office and they end with homework help. I’ve been extremely busy of late, helping Khun Usanee prepare for her trip and oral presentation in Korea next week. She’ll be speaking at The International Conference on AIDS in Asia and the Pacific. However, in the midst of researching Busan’s markets yesterday, Khun Usanee turned to me:

“We’re going on a home visit soon, would you like to come along?”

To be clear, this is when two or three staff members from Mercy go out into the community to visit with families, sit in their homes, hear their grievances and ask, “What can we do to help?” To be invited by the executive director – there are no words. An enthused nod sufficed.

Yesterday’s outing took me back across the river to the fateful jungle where I had plunged into the murky waters only 10 days prior. To be honest, even walking on the concrete catwalks makes me nervous now. It was a maze of zigzagged planks and the staff effortlessly made their way from one home to the next. Small, dark rooms built on pilings lined the walk and the children called “falang” as I passed. It looked like Slumdog Millionaire in the jungle. Everything is built a solid 10 feet above the ground, however, I later learned that when the rains come (and they do) the water level rises so rapidly that many of the homes become flooded, which leads to other dangers.

The first home we entered was off the concrete path. Slabs of wood lay across the soft, sewage-laden earth and I was careful to not miss a step. The main room was no larger than mosts kitchen table. The concrete base of the house was then laid with a few planks of wood, which were then covered by a thin plastic material, much like the sticky plastic sheets I once used to cover my textbooks in high school. Six of us huddled in the room that doubled as a living room and the grandmother’s bedroom. This frail looking woman sat, chewing on maak, a plant that is thinly sliced and a reddish hue, to strengthen her jaw. The moment she spoke it was clear that the maak was now home to where he teeth once were, which muffled her speech. She kept a rag in her right hand, occasionally wiping the red deposit from her lips. Her golden skin hung loosely from her skeleton, and her eyes were soft and kind.

In every home we visited, the grandmothers were raising their grandchildren, with no mention of the children’s parents, except that they were gone and some occasionally sent money home.

This family was living on less than $30 a month; the grandmother was looking after three children and had to pay rent and feed the children with less than $1/day. When asked what she needed, besides money for the children, she replied, rice. Mosquito nets hung from the tin roof and loose pictures of the royal family hung haphazardly from the walls.

The next house we visited was what most would consider a small split-level bungalow; there were 18 people living there. First concern: the family was running out of space for the children to sleep. The grandmother conveyed that she collected plastic bottles to sell and that her husband had just lost his job as a boat driver, so they were completely dependent on her youngest daughter for income. She lived away from home, but was able to send $100/mo to her family. Eighteen family members and $100/ month- you do the math.

The last home was a small dark room with a single bed in the corner. It was situated along the side of a canal off of the river. The grandmother and grandfather lived in this cramped space with their three grandchildren. Most nights the grandparents slept in the bed with the youngest child, while the other two slept on the floor, but when the rains came and the water levels rose, the apartment would become flooded.

In the middle of the night, when the waters come, the grandmother and father must wake the other two children and put them in bed. Then they move to the two plastic chairs, which sit outside the entrance of room, along the concrete walk. The grandmother continued to explain that they must stay up all night, fighting off the water snakes; to be sure they don’t get into the room. (For those of you that don’t know, nearly every snake in Thailand is deadly poisonous.) And so she stays up, sitting in the rain, to protect her family. Mercy is going to try and help her find a new home, but you can see from the staff’s faces that these visits, no matter how often they do them, never get any easier.

“When I first started this work, no one warned me about how emotional this work would be. I’m not God and at times I feel stuck, like, what can I do? It’s not right that people have to live this way,” Khun Usanee said as we made our way back to Mercy.

I racked my brain for anything to say, I searched for Ken Williams’ words of wisdom and I came up with nothing.

“I don’t know.”

All I could think was, at least the children are in school. This has the potential to break the cycle of poverty, right?

The sky turned black and the rains came down in heavy sheets. I thought of the families we had just left behind. What can we do?

Every day it’s something new. Today I’m searching for motivational quotes for people living with HIV/AIDS to write on condoms, that the Mercy staff will hand out at the conference in Korea next week.

Who knows what tomorrow will bring…

Dark skies over Bangkok bring promise of rain.

Some of the amazing staff on the boat on our way to the house visits.

Yes, and....

the other side of the box.

P'Eat and her 'rubber' bag. She asks, "I like the colors, think I could reuse this?"
Never reuse a rubber.

PeaceLoveCondoms

ABA

Let's Get Lost - Beck and Bat for Lashes

“I know a planet where there is a certain red-faced gentleman. He has never
smelled a flower. He has never looked at a star. He has never loved any one.
He has never done anything in his life but add up figures. And all day he says
over and over, just like you: ’I am busy with matters of consequence!’ And that
makes him swell up with pride. But he is not a man– he is a mushroom!” (The Little Prince)

Once again, I can’t sleep. I’m comforted by the humming white noise of the oscillating fans and the pitter-patter of steady rain on the tin roofs, but my mind won’t slow down enough to let the rest of me relax.

So, what does one do when they can’t sleep? Read “The Little Prince”, look up my horoscope (this is not a usual occurance!), Skype with loved ones scattered around the globe, write a blog post, edit training evaluations, look through old pictures and letters and reflect on the day.


Reflection worthy, brought to you by Fr Joe:

“Did you hear the blasts that went off last night? It sounds like fireworks, but tonight they went on for five or six minutes. Do you know why they do this? To scare bad spirits off the boats when they leave the port. Something bad must have happened on one of the ships, someone must have fallen or died, because they had to scare off a lot of bad spirits last night.”

He continued by reminding me, this is the spirit of Bangkok and the culture of Thailand.

“This is what must be in your writing. This is what makes rich writing.”

I thought back to one of the quotes, stenciled on the wall at the cultural center:

“The first draft of anything is shit.” – Ernest Hemmingway

My weakness is focus, but I’m going to allow myself to write shit, just so long as I write. Write, read, edit, rework, rinse and repeat. Maybe one of these days I will have something in here I can really use.

I want to play with the language; I want opulent writing and bottomless words, majestic tales and striking emotions. And it’s all here, it’s in the streets, it’s out my window, it’s steaming up from the sidewalks and it’s in the myriad of faces. Now it’s just a matter of getting it on paper and doing it justice.

Focusing and listening. Reading and writing. Ingesting and digesting. Giving myself time to process. And finally, GOING FOR A RUN!

Thanks again to all the amazing ladies in my life, who help keep my feet on the ground and facilitate my insomnia.

my blood and my heart. ((leanne and mom in roma))

l o v e y o u

ABA

...more art...

Because I love it so much, I have to share it with you...

And I'm going back...

ABA

I found I could say things with color and shapes that I couldn't say any other way - things I had no words for. -Georgia O'Keeffe

Last night I was in the presence of true love. What a blessing to see Amy and Andy, all the way from Prague, in Bangkok, on their honeymoon! They were blissfully happy and glowing. Over a few beers at Cheap Charlies, Andy retold the story of their engagement. Amy recalled, "If you had told me three years ago, I would be happily married and on my honeymoon in Thailand three years from then, I would have never believed you, and yet here I am and happier than I've ever imagined." I guess if someone had told me a year ago that I would be living in Bangkok a year from then I would have never believed it either, and yet here I am, blissfully happy.

A lot has happened in the past week and my foot has finally healed. It's time to get back to the pavement and start running again. I've found that when I run I am better able to process what is going on in my life. I started to think about Fusun, my host mom from Istanbul (more like big sister), and that night she read my fortune. It's all coming back to me and there are parts where I think, you know, she might be right. Here's to "you never know..."

As promised, here are some of the pictures from my haven, Bangkok's Art and Cultural Center:

You tell me.

This makes me think of Leanne, for some reason.

Smokin and jokin

The wall of thoughts, mine are in there...

p e a c e

Love you two.

That's why her hairs so big, it's filled with secrets.

Me too. I miss you mom.

This little boy was dancing away... These were the kids I sat and doodled with...

This makes me happy.

Apparently there are six gold necklaces hidden in all this yarn.

The golden ghost.

Long live arts and crafts. And love stories.

ABA