Today I found myself extremely frustrated and angry with this organization. I’m very aware that no matter how great an organization is, they are not without weaknesses, just like people. In moments like these I think, “What would Ken Williams do?”
I sat and stared at my computer, hoping my fingers would start hitting the keypad on their own, creating their own story, without my help. I couldn’t write. I’d lost track of why I was here, I’d forgotten how to kiss the ground. I repeated one of my choice mantras for moments of elevated negative emotions – time cools, time clarifies. This mood shall pass; I just had to allow myself to have that time.
I closed the laptop and walked home. I gave myself the space and quiet I needed to gather my thoughts. Time cools, time clarifies. I did what I do best when I’m upset; wrote an email to my dad. I knew time would cool, but I needed help clarifying. I felt lost and my brain felt fuzzy and disorganized.
However, before Dad could write me back, I had my answer, and I knew it all along.
There are three places I have found I feel most at peace.
A bookstore.
An airplane.
Anywhere with kids.
I’d lost track because I hadn’t seen the kids all day. Spending time with them is the best part of my day. It’s why I’m here. As long as I’m true to them, nothing else matters. Clarity had plopped in my lap and my cool heart had returned.
At homework help, Ann told me about her bruises from soccer practice as we read about rug makers in ancient Persia, Kwan discovered that the antique phone in the room actually worked, Nancy laughed loudly while preparing her presentation on Rome, Ton sporadically muttered “teaaaaacher” under his breath in a high pitch, bringing Ben and I to tears and Pruen looked completely lost as Marsha continued attempting to explain different types of microscopes to him. Everyday from 4:30pm-7:30pm, this room pulses with positive energy. Everyone is laughing, learning and working hard. The kids are helping each other, as Ben, Martha and I circulate about. Most importantly, they trust us. They have even, jokingly, taken to calling Ben “Dadddddd” and me “Mommmmmy”. ((Marsha is the new volunteer, she arrived Saturday from Belarus.))
Friday night Ben and I took seven of our kids to dinner. I wasn’t told until the end of the evening that it was “all you can eat” Thai food, but was impressed nonetheless at the amount of food the kids could take back. I wish we had not only timed how long they had eaten for, but how many plates we went through in the process. I’m pretty sure Kwan was still eating, long after Ben and the other boys had thrown in the towel. The girls ate for so long that by the time they started to slow down Ben and Ton were back up at the bar.
In the moment I remember thinking, these are the most amazing children. Their lives have been anything but easy and they survived. They not only survived, they are thriving. They are becoming well-rounded adults before our eyes. I'm so proud of everything they've accomplished and I'm inspired by them every minute of every day.
Saturday I promised three of the girls I would take them to the movies. Monsoon rains struck Klong Toey minutes before I was supposed to meet them at Mercy 4. Equipt with two umbrellas, a raincoat and rubber flip flops I waded my way over to Mercy; the girls were dressed and waiting for me. It didn’t look like I was going to be granted any sort of a rain date, so we ventured out into the storm to make the film.
While it didn’t find itself on the bucket list, I believe seeing a Thai movie in the theaters with all Thai people is list worthy. I followed along by means of Engrish subtitles (yes, a purposeful typo) and we stuffed ourselves to the brim with four buckets of popcorn. By the end, all three girls were crying at the doomed and depressed ending. I enjoyed the movie, learning more about Thai dancing and Thai story telling, but mostly, I just enjoyed being around the kids. If they're having a good time, so am I.
Sunday, Amy, a friend from SIT, and Jamie, Ben’s Scottish friend from Father Ray’s were in town. Bua, Ben and Jamie’s Thai friend from Father Ray’s, was finally able to get away from work for a night and we all planned to have dinner together in Chinatown. It felt like everything was coming full circle – it was as if I already knew Jamie and Bua – and Ben finally got to meet Amy; we are planning a trip up north to visit her in Mae Sot in a few weeks. At last the names all had faces and it was clear why Ben loves these people so much, they’re great. And Amy, well of course she is amazing; Ben and I are really looking forward to Mae Sot and more adventures.
The words have come back; it’s easy to write about all the great people in your life and I have so many. And the kids, I wake up excited to see them every day. Ben is off to Laos with Jamie and the kids and I have some fun planned for this afternoon that we’re all really excited about.
And just like that time has cooled and time has clarified.
Tomorrow I’m off to Cambodia until Monday. Try not to miss me too much, I promise I’ll have a killer blog post for you when I get back. Especially since it will be titled: Adventures in Cambodia with Crafton and Noam.
When you do things from your soul, you feel a river moving in you, a joy.
— Rumi
Dinner Friday night; with Ann.
Ben and Rose.
Nancy and Kwan beat all of us in the marathon meal.
We made it to the movies! Albeit a little wet...
"Kwan, that noise is annoying...wait...did you say it works? The phone actually works? Ok, it's totally worth it! Let's call someone!" - not me.
How can you not smile?
xoxo
ABA
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